Dilemmas, Dilemmas

Of late my dilemmas in life are not simple questions of syntax, style, or travel. Questions swirl around my brain, impossible quandaries, and decisions need to be made. With all the mental upheaval, it was somehow fascinating to overhear the dilemmas of eight-year-olds instead of my own. On a recent field trip to Safari West I listened to my two third grade daughters and two boys from their class discuss their own predicaments, real and imagined. I had forgotten all about that game full of questions like “Would you rather catch on fire or drown?” or “Would you rather eat your eyeball or stick a fork through your arm?” As the kids thought up some horrible ultimatums and then happily switched to “Who’s cooler, Batman or Spiderman?” I wondered if discussing pretend problems really do help prepare us for real ones.

In any case, it’s still rather odd to me how many times we create our own dilemmas unnecessarily. My daughters and I were in Target a couple weeks ago when an athletic guy walked down our aisle.

“Look,” Vanessa whispered, tugging on me.

I glanced at the man and we went our way. I was surprised when at home she brought it up again.

“Did you see how strong that guy was in Target?”

“Yes.”

“That’s the problem. All the guys with big muscles have tattoos and I don’t want to marry someone with tattoos.”

She was genuinely distressed and I tried not to laugh. I assured Vanessa that there were lots strong guys out there without tattoos and that I was sure she would find one. Why as children and adults do we do that to ourselves? Why do we invent difficult choices that we don’t have to make and then torture ourselves over them? Real life decisions end up being so unlike the ones I’ve invented over the years that it’s debatable whether pretend or actual is more difficult. I have yet had to choose between walking the plank and being thrown into a volcano. Then again that would be very clear cut, something in real life that evades me.